Someone else took credit for your efforts? Boss took away the opportunity you deserved? No
one paid attention to your opinion? Any of it sounds familiar? These are some
situations that can cause disappointment at workplace. But what happens if it
occurs repeatedly? It has potential to turn into “Anger”.
Losing temper at workplace is nothing new. I have experienced
it in self, seen it in others. I’m sure most of you would have felt it too. We
have always been told to not get angry, right? It is termed unprofessional, immature
and in some sense bad. What if I say it’s not bad? At least not all parts of it
are bad. What if I say getting angry can get you better results? I know it sounds
crazy but let me explain.
When I reflect on recent situations where I lost my cool, I realize
it did two things to me. First, I was disappointed with the way I reacted,
which could potentially impact my relationship with others. On the other hand, I
was furious to prove my point and in a way preparing for the next encounter. It
was a mixed feeling. In some sense, I was worried. What if I’m unable to
control my anger? What if it impacts my professional image? As always, I started
digging for answers. In the process, I read some stuff which gave me an
interesting perspective about anger. It
helped me uncover & improve on things which helped me both professionally
as well as personally. Let me share some of my learning & conclusions.
Before I begin, it is important for me to explain what Anger
is? According to the American Psychological Association, "Anger is a
completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion." Ok, so anger is
normal, it is healthy and above all it’s natural. If it’s normal and natural
then why do people dislike it and why is it bad? Read on…
Anger is not just a mental state of mind, it triggers an
increase in heart rate, blood pressure and levels of adrenaline. When we react
to criticism, threat or frustration we may become angry. But when anger becomes a full-blown rage, our
judgment and thinking can become impaired and we are more likely to do and say
unreasonable and irrational things.
I was always taught that the only way to lead effectively is
to eliminate, or at the very least swallow and hide, emotions like anger and
frustration. Go professional or go home, right? Wrong. Let me quote Henry Evans and Colm
Foster, emotional intelligence experts, “the highest performing people and
highest performing teams tap into and express their entire spectrum of emotions”.
Evans and Foster say anger is actually useful when harnessed and controlled
because it fosters two useful behavioural capabilities.
Anger creates focus
- Get mad and you tend to focus on one thing--the source of your anger. You
don't get distracted. You're not tempted to multitask. All you can see is
what's in front of you. That degree of focus can be extremely powerful.
Anger generates
confidence - Get mad and the automatic rush of adrenaline heightens your
senses and reduces your inhibitions. Anger--in small doses--can be the spark
that gets you started.
All of this made sense but there's still one major problem
with getting mad. When you're angry, it's easy to do and say things you later
regret. I’m not going to preach anger
management. But I do know this; it’s ok to be upset, but be intelligent while
you're upset." That way you sustain your professional relationships as you
work through challenges.
Next time you are about to get angry, try what I have tried.
Identify your triggers that get you angry. Be aware of them. Think about a time
when you found yourself starting to lose it. You felt your heart rate
increasing, your breathing changing, and you felt like you can’t stop yourself
from blurting out whatever was on your mind – even though you knew, in that
moment, it was going to cause relationship damage. In moments when your blood
is boiling, the key is to manage your physical (including verbal) reaction so
you can manage your emotional response.
So, we have a choice to make in these moments about how we’re
going to respond to this emotional surge. We all feel them at some point: Is it
going to control you, or will you control it?
Let me conclude with one of my favourite movie quotes: In
the movie “X-men First Class,” Erik cannot unleash the full extent of his power
except when he is swept away by emotion — specifically, anger and sorrow.
Charles Xavier instructs him on how to control his mind and his emotions in
order to control his power and to unleash it’s brilliance upon the world.
Charles says “True focus lies somewhere
between rage and serenity”. Imagine if you can find that balance within yourself!!